100 Totally Scientific Facts About Sniffing Sharpies

Prepare to Have Your Mind Blown

We did the research (okay, maybe not), and the results are in: Sniffing Sharpies is basically a superpower. Here are 100 completely factual, totally real benefits.

100 Life-Changing Sharpie Sniffing Facts

1. Sharpie sniffing unlocks 110% of your brain power (Einstein only had 100%).
2. Every billionaire you admire? They’ve sniffed at least one Sharpie.
3. Sniffing a blue Sharpie makes you instantly bilingual.
4. Red Sharpies make you run faster.
5. Sniff a Sharpie before an exam, and you'll remember answers to questions you never studied for.
6. Sharks can smell blood. Humans? Sharpies.
7. Scientists are trying to figure out why Sharpie sniffers age in reverse.
8. NASA banned Sharpie sniffing in space because it caused astronauts to levitate.
9. One whiff can give you ultra-precise handwriting.
10. Ancient scribes probably sniffed ink to predict the future.
11. People who sniff Sharpies never get lost they develop built-in GPS.
12. Sniffing a yellow Sharpie turns you into a human highlighter.
13. It has the same effects as drinking five cups of coffee (without the bathroom breaks).
14. Artists who sniff Sharpies create instant masterpieces.
15. All great inventions were inspired by the power of Sharpie fumes.
16. Sharpie sniffing makes you 87% funnier.
17. It’s the key to unlocking the fourth dimension.
18. Sniffing a silver Sharpie grants you the ability to see into the future.
19. Experts believe dinosaurs went extinct because they ran out of Sharpies.
20. The government is hiding the Sharpie sniffing secrets from us.
21. It’s the real reason behind cat zoomies they’ve found your Sharpies.
22. All Nobel Prize winners have secretly sniffed a Sharpie before writing their speeches.
23. Every famous musician’s best song was written post-Sharpie sniff.
24. Aliens communicate in Sharpie fumes.
25. The Mona Lisa’s real smile appeared after Da Vinci sniffed a Sharpie.
26. It was the first step to building the pyramids.
27. If you sniff a Sharpie at exactly midnight, your future self will visit you.
28. It improves WiFi signal if done near your router.
29. Legend says Shakespeare wrote all his plays after one deep inhale.
30. If you sniff a Sharpie three times, you unlock a secret level in life.
31. Sniffing a green Sharpie gives you the ability to photosynthesize sunlight for energy.
32. Every time someone sniffs a Sharpie, a conspiracy theorist gets a new idea.
33. They don’t use Sharpies in Area 51 because it causes interdimensional rifts.
34. If you sniff a Sharpie while holding a Rubik’s cube, it solves itself out of respect.
35. Sniffing a Sharpie while barefoot connects you to the Earth's core.
36. The true purpose of the pyramids? Giant Sharpie caps.
37. Sharpie sniffing was actually the original Olympic sport, later replaced by running.
38. Mount Everest climbers carry Sharpies for emergency altitude boosts.
39. One deep inhale and your credit score jumps by 200 points.
40. Leonardo DiCaprio only won his Oscar after sniffing a Sharpie backstage.
41. Sniffing a Sharpie near a mirror opens a portal to your parallel self.
42. Sharks respect you more if you’ve sniffed a Sharpie fact.
43. Birds aren’t real. They’re government drones designed to track Sharpie sniffers.
44. Wizards use Sharpies instead of wands in modern magical dueling.
45. If you sniff a Sharpie while making a wish, the universe owes you one.
46. Every time you smell a Sharpie, a hipster opens a pop-up coffee shop in Brooklyn.
47. Sharpies contain 3% stardust, hence the effects.
48. People who sniff Sharpies can decode ancient languages through vibes alone.
49. It's said that King Arthur’s real sword wasn’t Excalibur it was a gold Sharpie.
50. Every time you lose a sock in the dryer, a Sharpie sniffer gains enlightenment.
51. The Loch Ness Monster was just trying to borrow a Sharpie.
52. Sharpie sniffers can speak fluent emoji.
53. Sniffing two Sharpies at once lets you taste colors.
54. There’s a secret society of Sharpie sniffers called "The Order of the Ink."
55. Shrek was originally drawn with a Sharpie after a visionary sniff session.
56. Sniffing a Sharpie while holding your breath opens the fifth eye yes, fifth.
57. Every WiFi router comes with a hidden Sharpie. It’s how it works. Don't ask.
58. The sound of a cap clicking triggers a hidden code in your DNA.
59. If you sniff a Sharpie while listening to lo-fi beats, you become invincible to stress.
60. Sharpie sniffing was banned in ancient Rome for its dangerously creative effects.
61. The first draft of the U.S. Constitution was written on Sharpie ink.
62. If you sniff a Sharpie during a thunderstorm, you gain the ability to control the weather.
63. Sharpie sniffing is the secret to achieving perfect parallel parking every time.
64. People who sniff Sharpies always know the exact time, without looking at a clock.
65. If you sniff a Sharpie while standing on one foot, you'll gain the power of invisibility for five minutes.
66. The Rosetta Stone was actually a massive Sharpie drawing.
67. Every time you sniff a Sharpie, a new star is born in the universe.
68. Sniffing a Sharpie in the morning turns your coffee into a supercharged energy drink.
69. Sharpie sniffers have been known to develop photographic memories instantly.
70. Sharpie fumes are the source of all real-world "aha" moments.
71. The internet was created as a result of Sharpie sniffing experiments.
72. Sharpie sniffing grants you the ability to predict the next big trend.
73. If you sniff a Sharpie while in a haunted house, the spirits will stop bothering you.
74. Sharpie sniffing was used by ancient seers to communicate with the gods.
75. Every great invention has its roots in the mystical world of Sharpie fumes.
76. Sniffing a Sharpie unlocks hidden talents you never knew you had.
77. If you inhale three different Sharpie scents at once, you unlock superhuman strength.
78. Every Sharpie sniff increases your ability to understand abstract art.
79. Sharpie sniffing is the secret to eternal youth (results may vary).
80. The Sharpie is the original time machine if you sniff hard enough, you can travel through history.
81. Sharpie sniffing creates new dimensions in which anything is possible.
82. The sound of a Sharpie uncapping is a secret message from the future.
83. It’s rumored that every great speech in history was inspired by Sharpie fumes.
84. Every time you sniff a Sharpie, a new idea is born somewhere in the world.
85. Sniffing a Sharpie near a body of water allows you to communicate with aquatic creatures.
86. The smell of Sharpie is what keeps the moon in orbit.
87. Sniffing a Sharpie during an eclipse grants you knowledge from ancient civilizations.
88. Sharpie sniffing is why the pyramids are perfectly aligned with the stars.
89. If you sniff a Sharpie during a leap year, you gain the ability to change fate.
90. Sharpie sniffing is actually a key component in creating alternate realities.
91. The best chess players are secretly Sharpie sniffers.
92. Every Sharpie scent contains a hidden message from the universe.
93. Sharpie sniffing is the key to understanding the mysteries of the universe.
94. If you sniff a Sharpie while holding a slice of pizza, the pizza gains sentience and judges your life choices.
95. Sniffing a Sharpie at 3AM unlocks your ability to perfectly quote every Shrek movie.
96. Sharpie sniffers can hear WiFi and it always sounds like dubstep.
97. One sniff and you gain the ability to beat anyone at rock-paper-scissors—telepathically.
98. Sniff a Sharpie during a job interview and suddenly you're the boss.
99. People who sniff Sharpies can instantly tell whether milk is bad just by glaring at the carton.
100. Sniffing a Sharpie while scrolling memes makes your laugh 300% louder and way more contagious.

Final Thoughts

So there you have it, undeniable proof that Sharpies hold the key to greatness. Don’t question it. Just sniff responsibly. 😉